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<title>get your back up off the wall by whatsupbitches (Larkin)</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27124622">get your back up off the wall</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Larkin/pseuds/whatsupbitches'>whatsupbitches (Larkin)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Muppets From Space (1999), The Muppets - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Gen, Post-Movie, Sad, Self-Esteem Issues</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 18:47:30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,242</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27124622</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Larkin/pseuds/whatsupbitches</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Gonzo chose to stay on Earth with his friends instead of joining his alien family. But he's not sure he made the right decision.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>get your back up off the wall</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Gonzo, surrounded by his friends, looks up at the stars. The night sky is vast and cold and glittering. Gonzo is not flying through it because Gonzo has chosen to stay down here, his home, with his friends, where he belongs. There is no sign of the spaceship, no trace of the aliens who wanted to take him with them. It’s hard to believe they were ever here.</p>
<p>“What a great day,” says Gonzo, even though he feels like something was just ripped out of him.</p>
<p>“Uh-huh,” says Kermit.</p>
<p>Gonzo says, “That was probably the best day of my whole life.” <i>Was.</i> It’s over now.</p>
<p>Kermit often knows just what to say to make everything better. Gonzo hopes now will be one of those times. But Kermit doesn’t say anything.</p>
<p>“There’s one thing I still don’t understand,” says Gonzo.</p>
<p>“What’s that?” says Kermit.</p>
<p>Gonzo stares at the stars. “Why did they ask me to build a jacuzzi?”</p>
<p>Somewhere behind him, Pepe starts laughing and can’t stop. Rizzo shushes him.</p>
<p>Gonzo feels hot and cold and strange. It’s just a feeling. He won’t let it become a thought.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>In bed, Gonzo closes his eyes and sees them again, blue and beaky and beaming with joy—beaming at <i>him</i>, joyful at the sight of <i>him</i>. The aliens. Why didn’t he learn their names?</p>
<p>“A name ain’t nothing but a label, little brother,” he imagines one of them saying. The lavender one in sunglasses.</p>
<p>“And labels are for pickle jars,” squeaks the pink-beaked one with glittery eyelashes.</p>
<p>“Name or no name, you know us in your fuzzy blue <i>soul</i>,” says the one in the gold turban. “Just as we know you.”</p>
<p>Gonzo has so many questions. Why didn’t he ask even one?</p>
<p>Gonzo blurts out, “Why did you ask me to build a jacuzzi?”</p>
<p>The one in the gold turban looks gravely at Gonzo through kohl-rimmed eyes. He answers the question with a question of his own. “Why didn’t you come home with us?”</p>
<p>Gonzo is crushed. “I’m sorry,” he says. “Are you mad at me?”</p>
<p>The aliens squawk and flail in a collective <i>No!</i> The lavender one shakes his head so forcefully his sunglasses fly off. “But you were so jazzed to meet us,” says the pink-beaked one. “Did we do something wrong?”</p>
<p>“No!” says Gonzo. “No, you were…” He swallows. “<i>Wonderful.</i> I just…I couldn’t…”</p>
<p>“No explanation needed, little brother,” says the one in the gold turban. “The choice was yours to make.”</p>
<p>But Gonzo wants to explain. “My friends,” he says. “They saved my life. I couldn’t just…after all they’ve done for me…” He waves his arms around helplessly, trying to find the words—how it felt to see Kermit and Rizzo holding back tears because of him. He says, “I couldn’t stand to make them sad.”</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>Rizzo and Pepe spend a lot of time in the jacuzzi. Sometimes they wake Gonzo at night with their splashing and laughter. They laugh a lot in the jacuzzi, Gonzo notices. Something about the jacuzzi is very funny to them.</p>
<p>Gonzo avoids the jacuzzi. It’s a reminder, and it hurts to remember. (How he built it in a frenzy, electrocuting himself in his frantic fiddling with the water heater. How he smashed his fingers with the hammer because his hands were shaking so hard. How he kept picturing himself through alien eyes, wanting so badly to prove himself, to please whoever might be watching. How Rizzo and Pepe whispered behind his back, and he wondered if they were right—maybe he was crazy. He <i>felt</i> crazy. It beat feeling alone in the universe.)</p>
<p>“Gonzo?” says Kermit. They’re at the breakfast table, just the two of them. “You haven’t touched your breakfast. What’s wrong?”</p>
<p>Kermit is so kind. Gonzo feels guilty. He shouldn’t feel alone, not when he has such good friends.</p>
<p>“It’s nothing,” says Gonzo. He busies himself spreading anchovy paste on a half-peeled banana. “I was just thinking about the jacuzzi again.”</p>
<p>“Hmm,” says Kermit. “I guess we’ll never know why they made you build it.”</p>
<p>That’s it, Gonzo realizes. They <i>made him</i> build it. The aliens didn’t make him join them on the spaceship, didn’t make him leave his friends, didn’t make him do anything at all…except build the jacuzzi. It doesn’t add up.</p>
<p>Outside, in the yard, Pepe chortles and Rizzo yells, “Hey, quit splashin’ me, will ya?”</p>
<p>Gonzo looks across the table at Kermit. Without knowing quite why, he asks, “Do you think Rizzo and Pepe hate me?”</p>
<p>“<i>Hate</i> you?” Kermit looks stricken, and Gonzo feels guiltier than ever. “Gonzo, how could you think that?” says Kermit. “They’re your <i>friends</i>.”</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>“I built the jacuzzi, just like you asked,” says Gonzo. In this dream, he and the aliens have been fired out of a giant cannon and they’re flying together through the stars, the cold space wind ruffling their fur. “I baked you a cake,” he says. “I set up a whole buffet. I waited and waited for you.” His heart crumples at the memory. “Why didn’t you come?”</p>
<p>“Beats me, little brother,” says the lavender one in sunglasses. “This is <i>your</i> dream.”</p>
<p>The one in the gold turban flies in front of him and asks the same question he always asks in Gonzo’s dreams. “Why didn’t you come home with us?”</p>
<p>Gonzo has a different answer every time. “Because I wouldn’t fit in with you,” he says this time. “You wouldn’t like me, probably, once you got to know me. I’m weird. Even my friends barely put up with me.”</p>
<p>The scene changes. The starry sky turns gray; Gonzo’s feet touch dry earth. The air is heavy with the promise of rain. “Oh, no,” he says, clenching with dread. “Oh, please, not this dream again.”</p>
<p>The pink-beaked one lands on the ground in a ballerina-like pose. “What’s the matter?”</p>
<p>A drop of rain spatters Gonzo’s face. (<i>You are doomed.</i> The ark door slamming in his face. Left to drown.) He kneels, cowers, covers his eyes. “No, no, no,” he says. “I don’t want to be alone.”</p>
<p>Soft furry hands are touching him all over. Dozens of voices murmur in his ear. “You’re not alone, little brother.” “We’re here now, Gonzo.” “You’re not alone.”</p>
<p>Gonzo opens his eyes. He is in bed. He is alone.</p>
<p>Another drop of water hits him in the face. It’s coming in through the open window. Rizzo and Pepe are splashing in the jacuzzi again.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>Kermit calls a house meeting. “Gonzo,” he says, “Rizzo and Pepe have something to tell you.”</p>
<p>“Aw, jeez.” Rizzo kicks at the floor. “It was all Pepe’s idea. I just went along with it.”</p>
<p>Pepe rears up indignantly. “That is a foul calumny,” he says. “Do not listen to the rat, okay? He is abdicating, always abdicating—”</p>
<p>“Guys,” says Kermit warningly. “Tell him what you told me.”</p>
<p>Rizzo sighs. “It was us,” he says. “Me and Pepe. We tricked you into building the jacuzzi.”</p>
<p><i>I know</i>, Gonzo wants to say. <i>I always knew.</i> Instead, in a small voice, he asks, “Why?”</p>
<p>“Well, you were acting nuts,” says Rizzo. “Completely certifiable. You should have seen yourself! Ranting and raving and running around like a chicken with its head cut off—sorry, bad choice of words—”</p>
<p>“But you were right about the aliens,” says Pepe. “And now we have a jacuzzi.” He claps his four hands together. “Everybody wins!”</p>
<p>Gonzo feels smaller and bluer and uglier than ever before in his life. His arms are noodles.</p>
<p>Kermit leans forward in his chair. “I think you owe Gonzo an apology,” he says. “He was so disappointed when the aliens didn’t come to his jacuzzi party.”</p>
<p><i>Disappointed</i> is not the word. <i>Disappointed</i> is not how you feel when you allow yourself to believe, for the first time ever, that you’re not alone in the universe—and then everyone laughs at you because you’re wrong and you’re weird and there’s only one of you.</p>
<p>But the world is full of frogs. If Kermit can’t understand what it feels like to be the only one of you, that isn’t Kermit’s fault.</p>
<p>“Sorry, buddy,” says Rizzo. “I didn’t mean nothing personal or anything. It was just a joke.”</p>
<p>The world is full of rats, too.</p>
<p>“It was not my intention to upset you,” Pepe agrees. “I just wanted a jacuzzi, okay?”</p>
<p>The world is…</p>
<p>“Aw, for Pete’s sake, buddy, don’t look at me like that,” says Rizzo. He begins to sniffle. “I can’t stand to see you hurting. Criminy, you’re making <i>me</i> cry.” He produces a handkerchief and blows his nose loudly.</p>
<p>Rizzo wouldn’t cry like this if he didn’t love Gonzo.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry,” says Gonzo. He places a hand on Rizzo’s shoulder. “Thank you for being honest with me.”</p>
<p>“You’re my best pal,” says Rizzo. “You know that, right?”</p>
<p>“I know,” says Gonzo. “I’m not mad at you.” (It’s true. Whatever he’s feeling right now, it’s not anger.) “It was just a…a misunderstanding.”</p>
<p>Kermit likes that. “A misunderstanding,” he says, nodding eagerly. “That’s right. Just a little misunderstanding between friends.” He rises from his chair and moves toward Rizzo. “Group hug, everyone!”</p>
<p>Gonzo is lucky to have such good friends. Gonzo is one lucky guy. One lucky whatever.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>“On your planet,” says Gonzo, “do you ever…do tricks on your friends?”</p>
<p>“Sure,” the aliens chirp in chorus. To demonstrate, they arrange themselves into a human pyramid—an alien pyramid—and the pink-beaked one rides a unicycle on top, juggling banana cream pies. She dismounts gracefully and asks, “Would you like me to do this trick on you?”</p>
<p>“I don’t mean like that,” says Gonzo. “I mean…do you ever tell your friends things that aren’t true?”</p>
<p>“You mean like a mistake?” says the lavender one in sunglasses.</p>
<p>“Like a lie,” says Gonzo. “To make your friend feel confused, and…and crazy. Is that funny to you, on your planet?”</p>
<p>The one in the gold turban opens his eyes wider than Gonzo has ever seen them. “No,” he says. “We would never hurt one another.”</p>
<p>Gonzo feels guilty. He tries to explain. “They weren’t <i>trying</i> to hurt me,” he says. “They’re my friends.”</p>
<p>The one in the gold turban shrugs. “I guess it’s different in your world.”</p>
<p>Gonzo waits for him to ask: <i>Why didn’t you come home with us?</i></p>
<p>But the one in the gold turban doesn’t ask. His heavy-lidded eyes are filling with tears.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry,” says Gonzo, horrified. “I didn’t mean to make you cry.”</p>
<p>“You aren’t making us cry, little brother,” says the lavender one in sunglasses. Tears are running down his beak, too. “We’re just feeling what you’re feeling.”</p>
<p>“When one of us feels something very deeply,” says the pink-beaked one, whose glittery eyelashes are wet with tears, “we all feel it too.”</p>
<p>“Your pain is our pain,” says the one in the gold turban, whose eye makeup is running down his face now. “And your joy is our joy. Remember when we first laid eyes on you?”</p>
<p>Gonzo remembers: the spaceship opening up like a great silver flower, glitter and light and funk music pouring out, a swell of joy so vast it felt bigger than Gonzo himself. It <i>was</i> bigger than Gonzo himself—it was coming from all of them, a bursting supernova of love for each other and the amazing universe that brought them together. It frightened him to feel so much happiness at once.</p>
<p>Gonzo wakes up in tears, alone.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>“You okay, Gonzo?” says Kermit. “You’ve been staring at your cereal for ten minutes.”</p>
<p>It’s true. Gonzo spilled some Kap’n Alphabet on the table and he’s studying the letters with laser focus, willing them to rearrange themselves into a message. It doesn’t need to be as specific as <i>WATCH THE SKY</i>. It could be <i>WE MISS YOU</i> or <i>STAY COOL</i> or <i>YES IT WAS REAL</i>. Something. Anything.</p>
<p>But the cereal just says <i>PQGTCDKAV</i>.</p>
<p>“Any new messages?” Rizzo jokes.</p>
<p>“No,” says Gonzo.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>Each time Gonzo fires himself out of the cannon, he imagines the aliens asking: <i>Why didn’t you come home with us?</i></p>
<p><i>Pow!</i> Because it was too good to be true.</p>
<p><i>Pow!</i> Because if that kind of happiness can exist for him, it can also be taken away from him.</p>
<p><i>Pow!</i> Because if he’d never felt that happy before in his life, what does that say about his life?</p>
<p><i>Pow!</i> Because he’s too weird to deserve that kind of love.</p>
<p><i>Pow!</i> He wanted to. He hoped they would force him.</p>
<p><i>Pow!</i> He wanted someone else to make the decision for him.</p>
<p><i>Pow!</i> If they’d only asked him, <i>Are you sure?</i>—even just once—</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>Gonzo wants to be dreaming of the aliens, but he can’t sleep. Rizzo is snoring in the hammock above him. Every time Gonzo starts to drift off, Rizzo startles him awake with a loud snort. It’s not Rizzo’s fault. But Gonzo is suddenly furious at Rizzo.</p>
<p>Gonzo throws off the bedclothes and fumbles his way downstairs in the dark. Still in his pajamas, he walks outside into the yard. The ladder is still propped up against the house. He climbs to the top and stands on the roof.</p>
<p>Feeling very small, Gonzo waves his arms wildly at the sky. “I made a mistake,” he yells. “I changed my mind.”</p>
<p>The night sky is vast and cold and glittering.</p>
<p>“I want you to take me home,” he says.</p>
<p>The stars twinkle, so very far away.</p>
<p>“Come back,” he whispers. “Please come back.”</p>
<p>And he waits.</p>
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